Can you say roller coaster ride?

OK, I promise to update you on Christmas an New Years but I think I just need to get this out.  In the past, I've used this blog for therapy.  It helps to write it down.  I haven't been sharing what's going on with many people.  But, this is the easiest way to get this info out there.

When Reed was home in October/November, we tried to get pregnant.  The timing was perfect.  Initially, I had every pregnancy symptom in the book!  I took 2 pregnancy tests and they were negative.  Then I had some bleeding so I thought that I was surely NOT pregnant.  Fast forward to the end of the month when I was supposed to have my monthly friend.  Well, she didn't show.  I thought it was weird but we were at the lake so I waited till we got home.  When we got home, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  I was shocked!  I don't even know if that adequately describes how I felt. 

So, if you're following this so far...Initially, I think I'm pregnant due to symptoms.  Then I think I am not pregnant.  Then I think I'm pregnant again. 

I decided not to tell many people because of the bleeding in December and I was also worried about living life for a month without knowing.  I lost 8 lbs between Reed leaving and Jan. 2nd.  I was concerned about that too.  And, I had not been acting pregnant.  I've done a few things I wouldn't do while pregnant, but of course I had no idea.  Thankfully, I have a friend who works at Langley's Woman's Health Clinic as a midwife and she worked me in on Tuesday for a viability scan.  We didn't see anything on the ultrasound.  My friend decides to do a 48 hour quantitative HcG test.  She told me that if the numbers go up, specifically doubling, I'm probably pregnant.  If they stay the same or go down, I'm having a miscarriage.  Again.  I had another one when Anna was about 2.5.

Fast forward to Thursday...I go in and get my blood drawn again.  My hormone levels rose but they didn't double....they weren't even close to that.  At that point, they became concerned about an Ectopic pregnancy.  If you don't know about ectopic pregnancies, the short of it is that the baby doesn't make it to the uterus after it is fertilized.  My friend told me that if I start bleeding to go to the ER on base immediately because bleeding could mean that my fallopian tube had burst. 

Thursday  night, I started bleeding.  I headed to the ER and Tab went with me while Stu kept Anna.  While there, I saw the ER Dr. and the OB.  I had an IV put in because of the risk of ectopic pregnancy.  They were afraid I was loosing too much blood and might need surgery so they just kept it in.  I had 2 ultrasounds.  I had 2 pelvic exams.  And, in the end, all they could tell me was that they didn't think it was ectopic so either I was pregnant or I was having a miscarriage. 

Yes, this is long but if you're still following...I think I'm pregnant.  I don't think I'm pregnant.  I think I'm pregnant.  I think I'm going to have a miscarriage.  Then we do a little loop due to the threat of an ectopic pregnancy.  Then I start bleeding.  And now we're back to either being pregnant or not pregnant.  This is crazy!  The Dr. actually said I was an anomaly. 

I have to go back in for blood work today and again on Monday.  I also have another appointment on Monday.  I'm still bleeding but not bad.  I'm leaning towards not being pregnant.  And, I'm OK other than being highly confused and tired!  This past week has been exhausting.  I don't think this baby is sticking around and unless they can figure out why all of this has been going on, I don't think I'd relax if I am pregnant.  But, if the bleeding I'm having is any indication, my guess really is that I'm having a miscarriage.  The good news is that I was able to get pregnant right away...after fighting PCOS for years.  Weight loss surgery has worked!  The OB I saw the other night said I should have no problems getting pregnant when Reed gets home.  If you pray, pray for Anna and Reed.  It's been hard on Reed not being here.  Anna just doesn't get it.  I'm fine.  At this point, I just want to know...but in my heart, I'm pretty sure I'm losing the baby.  I've been dealing with a lot of confusion but I hope we have some answers on Monday.  And, you can just pray for me.  I don't know what specifically I need but prayers are always helpful!