What a week!

Have you ever felt like throwing your hands up in the air and just saying "Ok, GOD, I get it! You want change in my life and You're going to change me whether I like it or not! I get it!" Because, really, that's where I'm at this week. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I'm ready to get off! There's no doubt He is at work, I only wish I knew what He wanted from me.

So, I said last week that I was having an elective surgery. If it weren't so controversial, I would gladly share what is going on but I'm still processing it and am not quite ready to share it with the WORLD yet. But there are people I am telling and I usually end up in tears doing so. This surgery will greatly change my life and mostly for the better. I could eventually have another baby and that's been my hearts desire for so, so long. Its obviously still in His hands but I'm more hopeful than I have been in a long time that we could have another baby.

In the same breath, I'm convinced I have the sweetest child on the face of the planet. She has been amazing lately. She loves just being with us and never cares what we do together as long as we're together. She'll hold my hand more and longer than normal. She'll run up to me and give me a hug for no reason. She'll lean over and give me a kiss for no reason. How did I get such a child? She's probably a better girl than I deserve. How did I get so blessed to have a child that makes it easy to love.

Then yesterday, I got let go from my amazing job. I really can't blame my boss for letting me go. It's NOT about the economy. He's at a point in real estate when he either needs to have someone with a license help him or he's not going to continue to grow. He's working VERY hard to keep up and is doing pretty well, but he knows he can do better. He can't afford to keep me and hire someone more full-time. And, since we're moving, it just makes more sense to go ahead and do it now. I will miss my job but more importantly, I'll miss the relationships I have at work. I love my boss! Its rare to have the kind of working relationship we have. We have grown to be friends and he's been great about so many things. I'll also miss the girls at work. It has been great to have them in my life. I'll still have him list our house when we put it on the market because he is SO good at what he does.

After loosing my job, Anna and I went to see Marley and Me. It probably wasn't such a great movie to see after loosing your job. I cried a lot. I boo-hoo cried and not just at the ending of the movie. I cried when Jenny has a miscarriage. I cried when Marley started to show his age. And, the tears just didn't stop until the end of the movie. I'm a dog person and all I could think about was going home to get my boys (what we call the dogs collectively) and cuddling up to them. In reality, they were totally hyper when we got home and didn't want to cuddle.

So, that's my week! Sounds fun, huh? Lots of tears. I'm still trying to figure out what direction He wants me to go in. Do I need to find a new job or do I need to work on the house and get it ready to sell? What is my purpose right now? I know what I need to do when we move, but what do I do for the next 11 months? I've been praying a lot about this very question and am looking for answers. I'm in such a weird place... feeling like I need to be home to work on the home and yet, also feeling like I need to work at least for a few more months. I keep asking why this isn't easier but in the same breath, I also know that its for His glory and that He will reveal it in time.