True love thru THICK and thin

I was talking to Tab the other day about some various weight loss shows.  I told her that I could not watch them because they were just far too emotional for me.  I used to cry at certain moments during The Biggest Loser but now I cry most of the show.  Then I told her about a recent conversation Reed and I had.  We had been watching old videos of Anna which lead to him looking at old pictures.  He said "Wow.  I didn't realize you were that big until I look back on it because I just saw you."  Seriously, that's enough to give me happy tears.  To hear that your husband saw you for who YOU TRULY ARE is amazing.  Tab commented that we've done so awesome with this transition and that one day I should write a book about it.  Who knows...I may but for now, the blog works. 

Anyway, I decided to do some research and this is what I found:

    80-85% of WLS patients who were obese prior to or at the time of their marriage -- break up within two years
http://www.meltingmama.net 

That is astounding!  I know several friends who've had surgery and whose marriages have survived.  I know that Reed and I also had it worse than most considering that we were apart for most of that 2 years. And, I won't say we haven't had issues in the past 2 years but I can say, without a doubt, is that our issues have NOTHING to do with how much weight I've lost. 

It's funny because every once in awhile it will hit one of us just how different I am.  And, for Reed, I'm sure it's been crazy.  We would see each other in spurts since he was in California.  Every time he saw me, I'd be smaller.  And, when he came home from the last deployment he said not to get any smaller.  He's made comments about feeling like he's cheating on his wife sometimes because he's with this "skinny" girl.  Granted, I am NOT skinny (or at least I don't think I'll ever see myself as that).  I feel completely blessed that he's handled this and just continued to be the same Reed that he was before.  I'm sure people wondered if we could weather being apart- if he would stay faithful living across the country, to which my response was always "If he was going to cheat, he would've done it by now."  They don't know that there is something in Reed so determined to love ME and to make it work that he will stop at nothing.  He's lived a life with step-parents and he loves Anna to much to have her live that life.  He doesn't want that for HER so he's like a pit bull when it comes to our marriage.  He's hanging on for dear life.  I don't think that applies so much now as it did when I was big or more so when things were really bad.  I think things were extremely hard for him then and now he's just so grateful that I'm smaller that it's actually relieved some stress upon us both. 


We were also so very fortunate to be in a great place when I had surgery.  We rarely argue and when we do, it's about the same thing- something we've argued about since very early on in our relationship.  We had some VERY rocky moments in our marriage until we moved back here.  And, things got worse before they got better.  Thankfully, WEC (our church) saved our marriage.  Literally.  When things couldn't get any lower, we went to a counselor paid for by our church.  We learned how to fight fair, how to respect each other and show each other love.  We still have to practice at it.  But, it's a lot easier now- 6 years later.  This change in our marriage- me being smaller- hasn't changed us much other than I am more confident and I think that's something Reed likes.  I have no doubt if I'd had surgery when things were bad we'd be divorced (nor could we have spent almost 2 years completely apart). 

So, how did we make things work? Well, the obvious answer is GOD, lots of prayer and being steadfast in who we are a people and a couple.  It helps that I am more comfortable showing Reed that I love him in his love language.  It has tons to do with our determination to make our marriage work.  It has lots to do with the people we surround ourselves with.  I think I worried that it had lots to do with the fact that every time we saw each other it was new and exciting but now that he's been home fore a few months, we've settled into our routines and habits and things are just about where they were 2 years ago before surgery and before him leaving on the ship to go to CA and yet, they are better than they were then. 

I'm not really sure what this has to do with YOU, my reader.  But, I do know it feels good to write about and to think about what could have been but isn't because we've worked hard at making our marriage work even with all it's challenges.  I also know that it might inspire people who are looking at surgery as an option and making sure their marriages are in great shape.  So, if you know anyone considering WLS, consider passing this blog along.  I'd love for them to read it.